Finding what was lost

Finding What Was Lost

I’m searching for something I’ve lost. You can’t help me look for it.

I can’t quite remember what I did with it. This thing that seems to elude me.

How could I misplace something so important?

I became complacent, that’s what happened.

What was an intrinsic part of me, not nurtured, left me abandoned.

If I call to it, it does not come like a puppy who has escaped the yard with its tail tucked in between his legs.

I have to show what I’ve lost, that it is of value to me.

“Hello?” please come back. I swear I’ll do better, and work harder than I ever have.

I know now that my existence is meaningless without this part of me.

Realizing this, I reach into the dark places of my mind for the light switch to flip on.

Recalling every detail about what I love to do, nurturing what gives me purpose.

Because, in the end, only I can fulfill this need.

Reinventing, transforming, and evolving. Finding myself along to way.

Becoming a better version of what I was and, in doing that, embrace me.

Hello soul.

By,

Randy McPeek

1/12/ 2019

I would rather write than speak

I’d rather write than speak

My pen is always responsive

The ink doesn’t judge my mistakes.

My paper doesn’t argue

The lines never question me

My sentences never disappoint,

And my words never leave me.

No need to articulate. The master of my thoughts lies in my hand.

Lines flow from heart to pen, not caring what others think.

My hope is that I move you, yet knowing I don’t have to.

Thoughts spill out onto paper. How is that different from talking?

It’s how I tell my story, no stuttering, or grasping for words that have just the right meaning.

Words are never just words. They are the creator of storms you would never expect.

My silence is sometimes the most magic thing of all.

So once more, I will raise up my pen.

Showing this world what I’m made of

one word at a time.

By,

Randy McPeek

Rocky knows

Rocky Knows

Can there possibly be,

any more of a good-natured and

devoted friend than my big, brown dog named Rocky?

My dog; all he has ever known is my care.

In return, he has within

Him only one driving passion and desire,

to live along side and please me.

My boy is not petty, he does not hold any grudges.

He seldom nags, and never talks too much,

In short,He is the perfect friend.

Other than a hopeful encouraging gaze,

Two times a day, like clockwork,

He comes for food.

Rocky does not require much from me.

Except to be protected, loved

And treated fair.

Oh sure, he also lets me know when,

he needs to go outside to do his Duty.

Now that is so much more preferable,

to that other unpleasant option.

How damn smart is that?

Sometimes I don’t even know,

when I have to go to the bathroom,

And I’m an intelligent human.

At least once a day, he

conspicuously stands at the

door, looking to go outside,

for a little exercise.

And gently reminds me,

that a brisk walk would

do me more good, than him.

I can sometimes be a little down,

When along comes my canine therapist,

And lets me bury my face in his soft fur,

drying my tears. Such is his nature.

Even merely going out to my car,

for five minutes,

When I return, I’m excitedly, and

lovingly greeted with a toy, as if

I’d been gone forever.

If I could hook up,

Rocky’s gyrating, maniacal tail,

to my house electricity,

no utility’ bills would ever need to be paid.

Sometimes I swear,

that old boy of mine,

is actually smiling.

I like people just fine,

but I must honestly admit,

in the company of my dog,

I am completely content.

Sure, I occasionally I seek the

companionship of other humans,

As long as my dog,

can come along,

and attend the party, too.

When I was a child,

My father was never around much..

It was in the company of my first dog.

that I truly understood,

that dogs are people too.

Much smarter than

people give them credit for.

The only sad part

to this compatible pairing,

this marriage of the heart,

is that I must outlive my best friend.

Love is love and

gone is gone

and nothing

can ever change that.

That loss has come

to me, more times

than I care to remember.

I weep and mourn and

swear to never ever,

suffer that pain again.

Yet,a sweet new

face with eyes that plead for love

can do wonders to heal

a sad broken heart..

Once more it begins.

I will open my soul

and embrace that precious

young face.

Searching behind the eyes of my new best friend

for a small glimpse of my boy, Rocky.

Remembering the look on his face when I told him

He was the best dog ever.

That’s what’s important.

Rocky knows.

By:

Randy McPeek

2018

Mortality

How am I supposed to feel?. Facing my own mortality, like an unwelcome stranger. Lying just beyond the edge of my thoughts, waiting.

Will things change so much, or very little? Where is the moment that decides the direction?. Looking at some obscure image on a screen?. I’m trying to decipher it like an MD.

Laughing at the thought.

All the things I’m reaching for suddenly seem insignificant. What’s important is now. The people you love, they are the ones that matter. Cherish them. What does it mean to have the world, and share it with no one? Back up..

Waiting…..

Prioritizing. Mortality is something everyone will face. What about God? Was my life designed before I was born? I think so.

Now. That’s all I have. My dreams and goals have become most important. Not because I need to accomplish them, but, because they are what defines me. I am a unique soul, with a unique purpose.

Maybe it’s decided already. I will let that stranger in…Uncertainty.

I lean in for the kiss of welcoming. Asking for clarity to understand, and accept.

In that moment, I embrace the life I have, and pray to the God I know.

Life will go on after I’m done.

In the end what matters is how well we loved,how fully we lived, and how deeply we let go.

By;

Randy McPeek

Missing You

I sat at your grave and talked today. I miss the way you would listen, I could tell you anything. You knew just what to say, too. “So, what are you going to do about it?”. You knew I wouldn’t give up. When we talked, I felt like I mattered in the world. In a world that didn’t care about me, you did.

I wonder what it’s like in heaven for you. I hope the angels know what they have.

I sat at your grave and cried today. I mourned the most important person in my life.

I miss you,Dad.

Randy McPeek

Reflection

Sometimes I reflect on in my life, and, what has held meaning to me.

The simplicity of my childhood is gone, through time and responsibility.

The carefree days of my youth have all passed, I look back at those days and I smile.

How I’d love to go back and revisit those times, if only for a little while.

The long summer days I spent at the beach, and late nights spent with a friend.

I wonder what ever happened to those days, when I thought the party wouldn’t end.

My life has made me stronger than I ever expected to be.

Was it worth all the effort I made, and did I see everything I wanted to see?

I can’t say I have the answer to that, nor that I’ve done aIl I wanted to do.

In the end it’s about not having regrets, and holding fast to the dreams you pursue..

By,

Randy McPeek

11/22/2017

Why do I write poetry?

Why do I write Poetry? 11/11/17

Sometimes I write to feel the pain,

Sometimes to let it go.

Sometimes I write just because it rhymes,

Other times, I just don’t know.

Nature and its beauty,

A graveyard with a ghost.

A dream of my futures happiness…

Passion is in most.

A poem that’s so delicate

Words are straight from the heart.

Only from a dreamer’s soul,

The words are a work of art.

A poem is a gateway,

That leads into the mind,

A corridor that’s hard to reach,

And double hard to find.

But you can find it if you look

Into my troubled eyes.

You never know what each word means,

My lines are held-in cries.

But other poems could be just to say

“Hello”,or “How’s it going today?”.

It just depends on when I’m writing,

And who might come my way.

By,

Randy McPeek

Never fall in love with a Poet

Never fall in love with a poet 11/11/17

Never fall in love with a poet

for their words are sometimes lies.

On occasions they’re a shield,

On occasions a disguise.

They will take you on a journey

upon which they bare their very soul.

In a bid to ease your burdens,

In a bid to make you whole.

But in every word they choose,

for the stories that they tell,

lies a little piece of heaven

and a little piece of hell.

Tormented souls, we poets are;

sometimes quite broken and despaired.

In search of lost expressions

missed by others who once cared.

Never fall in love with a poet.

Unless you’re prepared to share their pain.

To hold them close on the darkest nights

over and over and again.

By,

Randy McPeek

My teardrops

My Teardrops

If I showed you my teardrops, would you collect them like rain?

Store them in jars, and label them “Pain”?.

Would you follow their tracks from my eyes down my cheeks,

As I write the poems I’m too inarticulate to speak?.

Would you stop them with kisses,and,bring their flow to a halt?.

As you teach me that pain isn’t always my fault?

Would you hold my face gently as you dry both my eyes?.

And whisper to me “You’re too beautiful to cry”.

If I showed you my teardrops,

Would you show me your own?

Embracing my loneliness

Until I’m no longer alone?.

By,

Randy McPeek

Apart from your world

Again I am faced with this bittersweet truth; I’ll never belong in your world.
I’m on the outside looking in,and,I ponder how all this unfurled.
I met you and I fell too hard and fast, not knowing where all this would go.
We shared so much I was convinced it was fate; you too felt you’d never let go.
Our days together were filled with joy, it was easy to hold on and believe.
We trusted in what we thought would eventually happen,how could we have been so naive?.
Like all good things the reality hit,and I knew my hope was a dream.
I saw how your life was before I was in it, the difference between us, extreme.
How do I fit in your life of so much? I can only give you my love.
Alone now at night I recall each kiss; your face looking at me from above.
You told me to wait and believe in the future, I wish you could see what I do.
Our life together is not guaranteed, could it all be just a rue?.
I pray for the day I’m not left waiting,and the love we share won’t be hidden.
It’s like we are characters in a romance novel where our passion is shunned,and, forbidden.

I only know that I am devoted to you, even if just for a time.
Being with you has opened my heart, and what you have shown me, sublime.
What love is complete without great patience? I’m not sure that I know.
To say “Love is transcendent” embodies the truth. It is indeed, most apropos.

Randy McPeek
12/28/16